Fallen
by Dramaphile
Summary: Where are the angels? Angst


Fallen  
By DramaPhile  
Rating: PG   
Category: MSR, Major angst  
Spoilers: Big spoilers for Requiem, Within and Without; minor for The Sixth Extinction  
Disclaimer: Once upon a time there was a surfer named Chris who created two characters that loved each other very much, but he refused to let them be together how they wanted, so in came the fanfic authors and stole them away and let them be who they wanted to. Then came the lawyers who yelled at the fanfic authors and said those two characters belonged to the evil demons at FOX, so they invented the disclaimer and were able tom fend off the evil lawyers and send them whimpering back to their evil masters and all was right in the world again. They're not mine. Don't sue me.  
Author's Notes: Before we begin, let me reinstate that I hold a few truths to be self-evident: Mulder and Scully are in love, They were lovers before Mulder was abducted, Scully's Hair is naturally red and Scully's baby is Mulder's. Nuff said. I got the name and idea for this fic while listening to a haunting song on my Bree Sharp CD called Fallen. I had it in my head for three days and I think it was telling me to write this fic. On with the show.  
  
Fallen   
By DramaPhile  
  
Lucy stands by the window, her little chin barely reaching the sill as she gazes out into the blue expanse.  
"Where are the Angels, Mommy?"   
I look up from my laptop and remove my glasses.  
"What Angles, honey?"  
"The ones Gramma told me all about. She says they're everywhere and God sent them to help us and protect us."  
I wouldn't be surprised if that was exactly what my mother said. Lucy's got her father's eidetic memory.  
"They're all around us," She continues, "But how come I can't see them?"  
"I don't know, Lucy, I don't believe in that stuff anymore."  
"Why not?"  
For a five year old, she's inherently persistent. Gets that from Mulder too.  
"Because when I needed them the most, there were no angels to help me and protect me."  
"Oh. Like when Daddy went away?"  
I close my eyes and nod, then turn back to my computer screen.  
"Gramma says that the angels are out there, taking care of Daddy se he can come home someday."  
"Well, I guess Gramma knows what she's talking about." I'd rather not discuss the issue anymore. I rub at the tear that threatens to spill over from my eye and try to concentrate on my case write-up. \  
The warmth starts in the back of my mind and wraps itself around me completely. I can feel his eyes searching through me. I want so desperately to give him the peace that he wants. I turn to look at our daughter as she stands at the open window, talking to her stuffed elephant, her auburn curls shimmering golden in the sunlight, her deep green eyes sparkling with wonder and I can feel him smile. It's odd to say that you can feel a smile, but I can. It's as if his face is mine and I can feel the corners of his mouth turn up and his eyes brighten.  
It was a long time ago when I gave up disbelieving that we were connected.   
Six years ago-God, it's been long. They say time flies by so fast, but I've felt every second of missing Mulder. It was in the beginning when I would have these dreams-nightmares-more like visions that came in the middle of the night, that woke me up screaming, drenched in cold sweat until I'd sob myself back to sleep every night. There was this cold, dim, sterile room, and I'd see Mulder, lying naked and vulnerable, strapped down. Then comes in the faceless, nameless surgeon with some new device to torture him with. He looks up, and for an instant, all I can see in his eyes is pure, unadulterated fear. I can feel it, too, the bitter taste to adrenaline in my mouth, coursing through my veins-his veins. My heart pounds in my ears, all my senses sharpen, then I feel his pain tearing through my body, wrenching me apart. That's when I wake up.  
Gradually, he came to me during the day, when my mind was clear. I can't hear his thoughts, or speak to him, but I see what he sees and hear what he hears and feel his emotions. And his pain.  
Once, he showed me the view from his window, this amazing expanse of stars, glittering all around in space like diamonds in a sea of darkness. This spot of beauty among so much devastation. He can feel me too. He felt our baby first move from within me; we shared joy and the pain of separation when I first held our little girl.  
This bond, this connection, whatever it is, has been my anchor for the past six years, my one thread of hope that someday I might be able to touch him again, to hold his hand and caress his cheek and never let go.  
I wonder sometimes if Lucy can feel him too, if he comes to her like he does to me. I wonder if she knows the love he holds for her. I tell her so many times, but I can't tell if she really believes me.  
I envy him if he does, that he might know such pure innocence. I lost that innocence long ago, then they abducted me and violated my body and stole my health and Murdered my sister and showed me so much pain, then took away the one person in my life who mattered to me.  
He tries to envelope me with his love, to fill all my holes and heal my soul, but I won't be healed until I can see him with my own eyes and touch his face and introduce my daughter to her father.  
There's so much joy in his as he watches our daughter.   
Without warning, I feel raw terror, and then pain rips through his body, through my body. Then there's nothing. Just Darkness.  
Where are the Angels now?   
My faith has fallen away.  
~X~  
Fallen  
By Bree Sharp  
  
Lucy is gazing out into space  
She has starry eyes, starry eyes that light up her face  
Like an angel   
Little girl, little girl questioning me   
She says, "Why doesn't everyone have what they need?  
Where are the angels, angels, angels?  
Where are the angels, angels, angels?"   
I cannot tell you, my little darlin'  
All my faith has fallen, fallen, fallen   
The stars in Lucy's eyes run down her cheek  
Like teardrops of fire, still her voice is as sweet  
As an angel   
She says, "Where is the place that the good souls go?  
Where they take away, take away the pain that they know?  
Where are the angels, angels, angels?  
Where are the angels, angels, angels?"   
I cannot tell you, my little darlin'  
All my faith has fallen, fallen, fallen   
Ashes to ashes, all fall down  
Ashes to ashes, all fall down  
If I could take the world in my arms  
I'd take all the wrong and I'd fly  
Fly  
Fly   
Yes, I'd like to know  
Where the good souls go  
Where are the angels, angels, angels?  
Where are the angels, angels, angels?   
I cannot tell you, my little darlin'  
All my faith has fallen, fallen, fallen   
I cannot tell you, my little darlin'  
All my faith has fallen, fallen, fallen  
Away   
~Fin~   
December 22, 2000 4:40 pm  



End file.
